To Be or Not To Be (Pregnant)

It seems that when most heterosexual couples get pregnant it is either by surprise or not widely publicized when copulation happened for a hopeful intended pregnancy. For some, this way of getting pregnant may even seem old fashioned, especially once you've entered into alternative methods to achieve a pregnancy. Personally, I have never had anyone ask me if I was pregnant yet, if I'd taken a pregnancy test yet, if I was "feeling pregnant", etc...until this past month. And for those who have asked, or who are reading this blog (obviously you'd want to know), I am not. My monthly flow has returned once again, so it's back to the drawing board, or more literally - back to bed with cramps. 

We are planning to amp up the charting factor this month by adding in the tracking of my BBT (basal body temperature) to make sure it aligns with my LH surge. Hopefully this will give us a positive sign more quickly, but I trust it will all happen in its intended perfect timing. I was a little sad to see a faint negative line when I took a pregnancy test a few days ago, while on the phone with Lisa, but we had decided that maybe it was too soon for a result. We'd wait and see if my period came. And it did. I wasn't surprised. I didn't really "feel" pregnant. There was just a lot of excitement around it.

My thought was that this baby wasn't ready to come inhabit my body yet. It was waiting in the wings and watching as Michelle and I were figuring out our relationship dynamic and trying to get our individual and collective needs met (aka arguing and feeling insecure). Now things have settled in the last few days and feel much better. We both knew this surrogacy would bring up a lot of beliefs and feelings and things to heal. We both agree we are committed to each other and working it out together, but that doesn't mean it will be easy. Having said that, I am hopeful that this next round of IUIs will be followed with much more harmony in my personal life. This whole process is a big surrender to an even bigger picture. One that I probably can't fully fathom yet. But what an amazing life it's been so far. Why not grow a little more (in more ways than one)!? Hehe