Waterfalls

Let me paint a little picture here...It's early in the morning. I've just woken up to my alarm and remember that I told Lisa I would take a pregnancy test first thing (i.e. first morning pee). It's Friday morning, yesterday. I throw on black fleece sweatpants and an orange tank top. Somehow it doesn't seem right to pee on a stick, while on the phone with the mama-to-be, when I'm not somewhat dressed. Not sure why since I'll be laboring naked in front of her one of these days...months away. So I stumble, half-asleep into the bathroom and look into the mirror at my crazy awesome morning hair that's all over the place, and that stupid under-the-skin zit that I can't seem to pop. Obviously buying myself one more minute to hold off on the inevitable call and pee stick result that will tell us the future of not only today, but the coming month and possibly the next year.

I dig under the sink for the box that holds the last pregnancy test and slowly open it. Pulling down my pants, I call Lisa. "Good morning! I'm sitting on the toilet about to pee." She asks if she can call Brooks since he's currently at home and she's visiting family in another state. Just in case we get a positive test result she'd like him to hear the news at the same time that we do. That makes sense, but I ask if I can pee first...not sure I want yet another person listening to me pee. I'm not one of those girls that asks all my friends to come into the bathroom with me, so this is a little vulnerable for me. Michelle wanders into the bathroom too since she wants to be part of the pee party/pregnancy test experience. And now I have stage fright. I giggle nervously saying, I can't pee now and Michelle turns on the faucet and starts singing TLC's "Waterfalls" song. Awesome. Okay, urination has commenced and...now it's over. "You can call Brooks now, Lisa." I say with a smile. I put the test down on the edge of the tub after replacing the cap. Four people waiting for an answer on a little plastic stick. Will the world change? Will Hayley produce the right hormones? Does the future of my friend's family ride on my shoulders in the moment? It sure feels like it. Wow.

Two minutes spent telling stories about something unrelated to the pregnancy while we wait. The test has a negative result. No pregnancy hormones here. Is it too early to test? Possibly. I took the test only ten days after my last IUI. So now we just wait to see if my period comes, and if not, I'll test again in a few days.

I'm actually sad this time around. I think last month it was all happening so fast and things weren't going very smoothly in my relationship, so I was more relaxed in a way and not surprised to not be pregnant because I didn't feel as ready. But this month, things are going better in general and I was feeling pregnant the past four days or so. Food aversions, sensitivity to smells, anytime sickness (my version of morning sickness since it happens really any time and is unpredictable), and once my breasts started tingling like they were filling with milk for no apparent reason. Strange things that don't happen to me normally. Why would this be happening if I wasn't pregnant? I'm confused. Maybe I'm just over-analyzing my body now that I'm ready to get the show on the road. I still believe that this little person will move in to my hospitable womb once it's good and ready, but I gotta say, this kid could be a bit stubborn. It'll be fun to see what their personality is like. It seems easier to find humor in the situation when you have an unborn child (even one that's not yet conceived) to blame the situation on. It's not my body, or Lisa's, or Brooks's...it's that unborn kid! Already exercising it's right to show up whenever it pleases. Making us earthlings wait, just for fun. Hahaha...smart little baby. Okay, you've got our attention. We wait on you, my dear.