Change Up

Well, that whole "gray area" thing is now black and white, or should I say red? That's right, a late period that came in the evening yesterday, on cycle day 33. WHY!?? I suppose it's best to just keep trusting in the bigger picture of whatever is in control of my cycle. My little ovum that's supposed to meet a special little sperm in it's own time one of these months. Maybe this little being wants to be a particular sign of the zodiac and that sign hasn't come up yet? I don't know. I could probably analyze every tiny thing that I'm doing or not doing, any reason under the sun or moon and come up with 101 ideas...Ahhh yes, the return to surrender. The return to having to trust in the great unknowns in life, in death, in conception. The mystery of it all. Having to just be okay with not knowing it all. 

I was brainstorming this morning (with myself) different ways to go about all of this in the coming ovulation of next month since there's only one vial of sperm left at the sperm bank, and that's not ideal. Brooks is also not really available to come to Seattle this month to donate more. So I had this brilliant idea, that if Lisa and Brooks were up for a little change up in the usual routine, they could fly me out to Colorado instead and we could do some "natural" inseminations with fresh semen. I'm anticipating this will feel more personal and also much different (with probably lots more giggles) than the previous few months of IUIs. They liked the idea, so I will be flying there in a couple weeks and staying for four days, during which we will be enjoying each other's company and doing probably four IVIs. 

I'm looking forward to the change in routine and actually having them feel much more part of the (hopeful) conception process. Also, since we haven't tried inseminating me with fresh sperm yet, the difference may just work. We'll see. I have renewed excitement though, even though I'm currently bleeding and uncomfortable and a little sad that this last time didn't take. I love spending time with these lovely friends though. And I'm really happy we'll get more time together soon!