It's been busy around here with the holidays and kids out of school. I haven't had much time to think about the pregnancy during the day, besides on Christmas day when I had to let all my extended relatives know (mainly my grandparents) that I'm pregnant. I'm obviously showing and I didn't need people coming to their own conclusions. It seems the majority of my family thinks I'm crazy. I honestly think they don't understand why I'm doing what I'm doing, and because they don't understand it they don't want to talk about it. Honestly, I would rather people ask questions, then ignore that I'm pregnant. It's a huge thing in my life and I'm proud to do it, but it feels really lonely when people look at me like I'm a freak and then make pleasant fidgety conversation to distract from the fact that I'm doing something they can't fathom. Sometimes it's lonely being in a family that doesn't understand you. It's almost funny being the "black sheep" when I feel like I'm actually living my life's purpose and calling. I'm just trying to spread love and light and help people see that there are so many ways to give love and create family. I'm so thankful for my chosen family who supports this journey and truly looks me in the eye/looks into my heart while asking me how I'm doing, how the baby is doing. I want to talk about it. I want to feel like every place is a safe place to talk about this journey, but I'm finding, it's not.
In happier news, I felt the baby move for the first time last Sunday! Michelle was shouting at the television while watching football and I had just eaten a cookie and was knitting. First the little one jumped inside, and then I felt it continue dancing like it either really loves football or it had a bit of a sugar buzz from the cookie. Either way, it was so sweet and fun to feel that feeling again. A tiny little life. Growing. Dancing. Inside ME! I quickly sent Lisa and Brooks a text to let them know their baby is an active one. Since then, I've felt those fluttery movements periodically throughout the week.
Oh sweet Hayley! I love you and support you. I had no idea the route of surrogacy you took. It is amazing! You are amazing! I know that your first cousins and grandparents and aunts and uncles may not support you, but know that your 2nd and 3rd cousins do! I told grandma that you were pregnant and a surrogate and she thought that it was awesome of you this. I know my parents feel the same way. I can also bet that most of my cousins do too.
ReplyDeleteI do have to chuckle while reading through your posts at how different our lives are. So of the things you write about, I had no idea existed. Fertility acupuncture?! Who knew? Haha
You make the most adorable pregnant woman with your dimples! How much you want to bet that this baby has them too?!
Thank you for writing down this journey, I am loving following along.
Thank you Brittin! I'll take any support I can get from family and friends. It's fun to know that you are following along and learning new things from my posts. I've got lots of knowledge from my years of mothering and doula work...and much much more to come once I start midwifery school next winter. Thanks for your love and support. It means so much.
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