Fertile in a Dry Landscape

(Read this as if it was yesterday. Took me two days to complete because of a busy schedule.)

I felt fertile last night. Funny, because I was drained from back to back births (as a doula) spanning three days. After waking up from a long midday nap, and hanging around the house a bit, Michelle and I decided to go to the Sunnyland Stomp; a fun little way to get to know our neighbors and see local artwork in people's backyards. We biked around and enjoyed the sights until 9pm and then biked back home for my ID so we could bike to Kulshan Brewery for a tasty local beer. Before we biked out of our driveway, we kissed and I said, "I feel so fertile right now. If I had the sperm, I think I'd get pregnant tonight!"

And it just so happens that I got a positive LH surge this morning. The first LH test this month since I had been so busy with client's births and away from home. I'm not surprised. I know my body and felt that sensation so strongly...but there's just one problem in this baby-making journey. I need the sperm to be here to make it happen. And it's not. It is "en route", though not technically because it's Sunday and everything is closed. The sperm bank and FedEx. There are no after hours lines to call and get the sperm if you're ovulating and need it NOW. Grrr...who knew sperm was so hard to procure? Maybe it's just specific sperm. I'm sure I could've found one random guy to impregnate me in this 48 hours, but I'm not interested in that, and I'm pretty sure that's not the intention of Brooks and Lisa. So it must have happened for a reason. Ah, yes...the infinite surrender to the "bigger picture". It's incredibly hard sometimes. I can't control my ovulation and it just came a few days earlier than expected, on a Sunday. The sperm won't be here until midday on Tuesday and by that time it'll be too late. They will just have to send it back. Sorry baby batter! You're not needed until next month.

We breathe and we wait. We live our lives, and we prepare for yet another month of hoping everything will align and this little spirit will say, "Yes, now I am ready to come in. Glad you've proven you have so much patience and love for me. Goodness, this group is consistent!" Yes, we are little one.